“The children.”
“That is not an answer.”
“They needed legal stability.”
“You can acknowledge children without secretly marrying their mother while engaged to someone else.”
His eyes closed.
“I know.”
“Did you love her?”
He looked at me.
“Yes.”
That hurt.
But I was grateful for the honesty.
“Did you love me?”
His face crumpled slightly.
“Yes.”
That hurt differently.
“I know that makes me sound terrible.”
“No.”
I leaned back.
“It makes you sound human.”
He seemed surprised.
“Humans can behave terribly.”
The surprise disappeared.
“I didn’t know how to choose.”
“So you didn’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“You kept both lives until reality chose for you.”
He looked down.
“I thought I could explain it when the timing was right.”
“When was the timing right?”
He had no answer.
“After the Edinburgh trip?”
Silence.
“After the reception?”
Silence.
“After you used Portia’s spousal signature for the company?”
His face tightened.
“That was legitimate.”
“Then stop avoiding her lawyer.”
He stared at me.
“You’ve become very cold.”
There was a time that sentence would have devastated me.
Now I heard what it really meant.
I had stopped absorbing the heat generated by everyone else’s decisions.
“No.”
I said it quietly.
“I’ve become unavailable for certain jobs.”
“What jobs?”
“Covering.”
“Fixing.”
“Waiting.”
“Believing explanations because challenging them would inconvenience you.”
Alec looked toward the lobby windows.
Then he whispered, “Can we start over?”
“No.”
The answer came without anger.
He looked at me.
“Just like that?”
“No.”
I folded my hands.
“Not just like that.”
“Six years.”
“Exactly.”
He flinched.
“If it were six bad weeks, maybe we would be having another conversation.”
I placed a small manila envelope on the table.
Inside was the neonatal-center transfer receipt.
He stared.
“You found it.”
“Yes.”
His face changed.
“The grant wasn’t frozen.”
“No.”
“I was scared.”
“I believe you.”
“The twins were tiny.”
“I believe you.”
“I knew if I told you—”
“You keep ending sentences there.”
He looked at me.
“So finish one.”
He swallowed.
“I knew if I told you, you might leave.”