I hadn’t called the authorities. I hadn’t set a legal trap.
I had simply exercised my right to sell my own asset, and their entitlement had caused them to self-destruct on the front lawn.
I deleted the voicemail.
By noon, the police had left my old house.
They had simply told David and Sarah to keep the noise down and stop ripping up professionally installed real estate signs.
It wasn’t a police matter. It was a neighborhood disturbance.
At 1:00 p.m., Martha texted me.
“First showing scheduled for 3:00 p.m. Cash buyer.”
I finally sent a singleton group text to David and Sarah.
“The house is on the market. The first showing is at 3 p.m. today. Please ensure the property is tidy. The real estate agent has the master key. I suggest you begin looking for a new apartment. Catherine.”
My phone rang immediately.
I answered.
“Are you insane?” Sarah shrieked through the speaker. “You can’t sell this house. We just spent $4,000 painting it and buying furniture.”
“You spent $4,000 of my money, Sarah,” I corrected mildly. “You drained my tax account.”
“We are living here,” David yelled in the background. “You can’t just kick us out on Christmas.”
“I am not kicking you out,” I replied, keeping my voice perfectly level. “I am selling my property. The new owners will likely give you a standard 30-day notice to vacate once closing is complete. You have plenty of time to pack. You already boxed up all my things, so you should have plenty of practice.”
“We will not let anyone inside this house,” Sarah threatened.
“Martha is bringing the prospective buyers,” I said calmly. “If you refuse entry to my authorized agent, the next step will be formal eviction for squatting. That will go on your public record. It makes renting a nice apartment in the future very difficult. I leave the choice to you.”
I hung up.
At 3:15 p.m., Martha texted me a photo.
It was the prospective buyers walking through the kitchen in the background.
David and Sarah were sitting stiffly on the sofa, looking terrified and entirely powerless.
The house sold in 4 days.
A retired couple moving from Chicago offered cash, 5% over the asking price.
They loved the modern gray walls and the empty minimalist feel David and Sarah had so carefully curated.
I met David at a coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon to hand over some final mail.