“No, it isn’t.”
“And where is Ethan sleeping?”
Emily gave me a smile.
“With Grandma, obviously.”
I laughed.
“Obviously?”
“He’s been talking about it for a week.”
Ethan hugged my leg.
“Sleepover.”
Emily looked pleased with herself.
“See?”
I admit that I liked the idea.
After months of sleeping alone in a quiet house, having Ethan in the room sounded comforting.
Emily put her arm around my shoulders.
“So you won’t be lonely.”
That became the explanation for almost everything.
My room had two beds and a small balcony.
From the balcony I could see part of the water between two buildings, along with a row of palms bending in the breeze.
Ethan ran from bed to bed until I made him stop before he cracked his head on the nightstand.
I unpacked while he lined up toy cars on the windowsill.
There was a printed hotel packet on the desk with information about activities.
Boat tours.
Sunset cruises.
Bicycle rentals.
Snorkeling.
A glass-bottom boat tour immediately caught my attention.
Julian loved anything involving the ocean.
He could stand on a pier for an hour watching people clean fish.
I could almost hear him saying, You didn’t fly all the way down there to sit in a hotel room.
That evening, Emily knocked on my door around six.
She had changed into a blue dress and sandals.
Brian stood behind her wearing a button-down shirt.
“Oh,” I said. “You two look nice.”
Emily smiled.
“Quick favor.”
Those two words should have prepared me.
“Brian got us a dinner reservation, but it’s only for two.”
She paused.
“Would you mind keeping Ethan tonight?”
I looked at him.
He was sitting cross-legged on the floor driving a toy truck over the hotel carpet.
“I thought we were all eating together.”
“We will tomorrow.”
Brian leaned against the doorframe.
“It’s just this one restaurant. They had a cancellation.”
Emily added, “We haven’t had a date night in forever.”
I knew that was not true.
Her neighbor watched Ethan often.
Still, I understood the desire.
Marriage changes when a child arrives.
Julian and I had depended on my mother plenty of times when Emily was young.
“Go,” I said.
Emily kissed my cheek.
“You’re the best.”
That first night did not bother me.
Ethan and I ordered grilled cheese and chicken tenders from the hotel restaurant.
We ate on the balcony.
He told me one of the boats in the harbor belonged to pirates.
I told him pirates generally did not hang decorative blue lights around their railings.
He said modern pirates might.
After dinner, I gave him a bath.
We watched half of an animated movie before he fell asleep against my side.
For the first time in months, I did not mind the quiet after turning off the television.
I listened to Ethan breathing in the other bed.
I thought maybe Emily had been right.
Maybe I had needed this.
The next morning, I woke early and took Ethan downstairs for breakfast.
Emily and Brian arrived forty minutes later.
Emily was wearing exercise clothes and carrying a large coffee.
“We have massages at ten,” she said.
I stared at her.
“We do?”
She laughed.
“No. Brian and I.”
I waited for the rest.
It came.
“Can Ethan hang with you until afterward?”
“How long is afterward?”
“Maybe one?”
It was eight-thirty.
I looked at Ethan.
He had syrup on his chin and was building a tower out of jelly packets.
“I thought we might all walk around this morning.”
“We can this afternoon.”
Brian was already checking his watch.
“We need to leave in about five minutes.”
Something about that irritated me.
Not because they wanted massages.
Because apparently everyone except me had known the plan.
Emily must have seen it on my face.
“Mom, if you wanted to do something, you should have said so.”
“I didn’t know I needed an appointment.”
Her expression changed.
Just slightly.
“Forget it. We can cancel.”
It was a familiar move.
Not dramatic enough to call manipulation at the time.
Just enough to make me feel unreasonable.
“You don’t have to cancel.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She brightened instantly.
“Thank you.”
They returned after one.
Emily announced that the spa had been wonderful and showed me a picture of the courtyard.
I had spent the morning at the children’s pool.
I told myself I did not mind.
That afternoon we all walked along Duval Street.
Ethan grew tired after twenty minutes, so Brian lifted him onto his shoulders.
Emily bought me a straw hat.
We stopped for ice cream.
For a few hours, it felt like the family trip I had thought I was taking.
That made it easier to excuse what happened next.
On Saturday, I had booked the glass-bottom boat tour.
I paid for it myself because I wanted one thing on the trip that belonged entirely to me.
The tour left at eleven.
I laid out my clothes the night before.
I charged my phone.
I even put one of Julian’s old handkerchiefs in my purse.
He had carried cloth handkerchiefs his entire life despite Emily telling him for twenty years that tissues had been invented.
Taking one with me felt silly and comforting at the same time.
At nine-fifteen that morning, Emily knocked.
She did not ask to come in.
She stepped inside while talking.
“Tiny problem.”
I was putting sunscreen into my bag.
“What?”
“Our catamaran excursion changed their rules.”
“What rules?”
“They won’t take Ethan.”
I stopped.
“You booked an excursion that doesn’t take four-year-olds?”
“They said five and up. I thought it was four.”
Brian appeared behind her.
“They’re strict about it.”