I waited.
Nobody said anything.
Then Emily looked at my bag.
“You’re still doing your boat thing today?”
“My tour leaves at eleven.”
She made a small sound.
Not quite a sigh.
“I forgot that was today.”
“You watched me book it.”
“Okay, I forgot the date.”
Brian checked his phone.
“Our catamaran leaves at ten-thirty.”
I looked from one to the other.
“What are you asking?”
Emily seemed surprised by the question.
“If you could stay with Ethan.”
“I already paid for my tour.”
“You can do yours another day.”
“It was almost sold out.”
“We can find something else.”
“I wanted this one.”
Her face tightened.
For the first time, I did not immediately give her what she wanted.
The silence lasted maybe five seconds.
Then she said quietly, “I thought you liked spending time with your grandson.”
There it was.
I knew immediately that the sentence was unfair.
Knowing did not stop it from working.
“Of course I do.”
“I’m not saying you don’t.”
“You just did.”
“No, I said I thought you liked spending time with him.”
Brian stepped in.
“Hey. Nobody’s trying to make this a big thing.”
That irritated me more.
I had not made it a big thing.
I had simply said I already had plans.
Emily folded her arms.
“Fine. We’ll lose the money.”
“How much?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“How much?”
Brian named an amount that made me wince.
I looked at Ethan.
He was sitting on the bed watching us, his little face turning from one adult to another.
I hated that.
Children know when they have become the subject of an argument.
“Go,” I said.
Emily hesitated just long enough to look reluctant.
“Mom, are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t sound sure.”
“Go before you miss it.”
She hugged me.
“Thank you.”
After they left, I called the boat company.
The woman on the phone was kind.
She said she could move me to the next day if there was room.
There wasn’t.
Monday had openings, but Monday was our departure day.
I canceled.
Ethan and I went to the beach.
He collected shells and handed every one to me as if he had discovered buried treasure.
I loved being with him.
That was part of what made the whole thing confusing.
You can love a child deeply and still resent being volunteered to care for him.
The two emotions do not cancel each other.
That evening, Emily and Brian came back sunburned and cheerful.
Brian had bought a shirt from the catamaran company.
Emily showed me photographs of the water.
“You should have seen it, Mom.”
I looked at the pictures.
“It looks beautiful.”
“You would’ve loved it.”
I almost laughed.
Instead I asked what we were doing for dinner.
Emily checked her phone.
“Oh. We already ate.”
So Ethan and I ate alone again.
By Sunday, the questions had mostly disappeared.
Emily knocked around ten and said, “We’re running down to the marina.”
I was brushing Ethan’s hair.
“For what?”
“We booked Jet Skis.”
“And Ethan?”
She looked at me as though the answer was self-evident.
“He obviously can’t go.”
I set down the brush.
“Emily.”
“What?”
“Was there ever a plan for Ethan on this vacation other than me?”
She blinked.
“Excuse me?”
“You keep booking things he can’t do.”
“We’re on vacation.”
“So am I.”
The words surprised both of us.
Emily stared at me.
Then she gave a short laugh.
“Mom, nobody said you weren’t.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“That’s a little dramatic.”
I could hear Julian in my head.
Whenever Emily was a teenager and wanted to end an argument, she had a habit of declaring the other person dramatic.
Julian used to tell her, Calling someone dramatic doesn’t answer the question.
I wished he were standing beside me.
Instead, I said, “I’ve spent more time taking care of Ethan than doing anything else since we arrived.”
“He’s your grandson.”
“Yes.”
“And you love him.”
“Yes.”
“So why are you talking about him like he’s a burden?”
My face got hot.
“I did not say he was a burden.”
“You’re acting like spending time with him is ruining your vacation.”
Brian appeared from their room.
“Everything okay?”
Emily turned toward him.
“Mom apparently thinks we dumped Ethan on her.”
Brian looked at me.
“We didn’t dump him on you.”
I stared at him.
“What would you call it?”
His expression changed.
Not guilt.
Annoyance.
That mattered.
“We thought you enjoyed helping.”
“I do enjoy helping. Helping usually involves being asked.”
Emily shook her head.
“I cannot believe we brought you on this trip and now you’re keeping score.”
That sentence stopped me.
We brought you.
It was the first time she had said it that way.
Not, We invited you.